HOW TO SURVIVE A BREAK UP?
That's the MILLION DOLLAR question, really. Right???
If only there's a secret potion for this, then we will all have a better life.
It is difficult, I know, been there done that, even countless of times! It's most likely the most devastating feeling one will ever have in his/her lifetime. It's literally ripping off your heart into this very unusual pain.
It's the kind of pain that you want to run away from. If only, you can auto off all the memories in your mind. If only, you can erase every small and big details about him. Then maybe, just maybe, you don't have to go through crying yourself to sleep at night.
But as a former active member of the Broken-Hearted Club, I have only this advise, the best way to move forward is really acknowledging the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, and the agony that comes with it. Because as cliché as it may sound, this will only make you stronger and better as a person. Touche!
They say there are 5 stages (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance), even 7 (Shock, Denial, Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) to be able to move on from a break up.
Me?! I have a LIST...as in a looooong list..... ;)
There is no exact time when to get over someone. Especially if you're the one left behind. Geez, my longest was four years!!! So you just really have to understand that they really mean it, it takes time. And time will heal all wounds. And the best analogy of this?! Just look at the wounds in our body, the only time we don't feel the pain anymore is when it was totally healed. And it took days, sometimes even months to heal. So give yourself the time. Take as much time as you could on this healing process.
Cry and cry and cry and cry if you must. I used to wake up to a wet pillow in the morning. There's nothing wrong with crying and just being alone. Cry until you can't cry anymore. Recognize that pain. Wallow as long as you want, as long as you can, as many times as you can! Yes, cry it out tonight, cry it out in the early hours in the morning if you must!
When you're done crying, get a pen and a paper. Write all of your anger, your frustrations, your what if's, your what not's, your what could have I done to make it different, your hatred towards that person who broke you and even about yourself. Because trust me, when you have no one who will listen to your bitterness, having to write it all down, will somehow lighten the heavy burden of your broken heart!
Call a friend and talk to that person. It may be your sister, your mother, your closest girlfriend. Just tell her that they need to listen and understand that you really feel awful...and somehow suicidal because a stupid(!) boy broke your heart. Tell them you don't need their advise, you just want someone to be your sponge. No comments and judgement needed. :)
Find comfort in songs. And take some of that message to really help you. That is if you still want to cry at night. Or if you're good as Adele you can channel that sad feeling into composing a song...or a poem. Who knows you'll be the next youtube sensation, eh?
Here are my go-to-break-up-songs...
I'm Moving On by Rascal Flatts
I'm moving on...
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.
Letting Go by Sozzi
I still recall the words you said to me
It's what you did not say that sets me free
Art of Letting Go by Mikaila
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye
But each time it catches in my throat
Get up and do something about moving forward!
These are very basics but trust me, as normal as they seem they are...these things were VERY helpful to me...
- Get a new haircut. Or buy new dresses. Or put on some new stilettos. Just effin' do something that when you look at yourself in the mirror, you're more than beautiful! And TELL YOURSELF, "I am beautiful."
- Buy a bucket of ice cream or one box of chocolate and eat it while watching, The Little Rascals. Find a time to be happy. Find a time to comfort yourself with laughter. I repeat, do something to be HAPPY.
- But what is it that you really like doing that makes you happy?! I found comfort in the kitchen, so I cooked a lot. If you like photography, go and take some pictures and write something about that picture on your Instagram. Or paint or sew or plant or bike or whatever...basta, do something productive of your time! Period.
- Re-arrange your closet, your room, or your whole house. Sometimes a new scenery of your surrounding helps a lot.
- Go out with your friends and go to the beach or a hike in the hill, not in club. I repeat, not in a bar club! Quality time is the key.
- Just really be proactive with your life. Do a new project or a new adventure. I did bunjee jumping, I did scuba diving, and I went travelling. And trust me, I was liberated and it completely changed me.
Let's jot down the circumstances...
- If he dumped you for someone else...and was cheating with you the whole time. HE'S AN ASSHOLE. IF YOU FORGIVE HIM, YOU'RE A MORON. YES, NOT JUST STUPID...A MORON!
- If he dumped you for someone else...because the other girl is better than you. YES, IT HURTS. SCREW HIM! BUT YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO SOMEONE ELSE, WHO TRULY DESERVES YOU.
- If he dumped you because he doesn't love you anymore. THANK HIM, HE'S SAVING YOU BOTH FROM WASTING YOUR TIME.
- If he dumped you because you're not giving him what he wants because you're not ready. IT'S HIS LOSS, NOT YOURS. HE'S A DOUCHE-BAG. AND KUDOS TO YOU FOR NOT GIVING INTO WHAT HE WANTS.