Are you single? Embrace it!
Single, an adjective.
A way to describe your “marital” status. Or a state of mind, perhaps?
At 36, I honestly didn’t imagine myself to be single. Like most women and my friends, I have also hoped that by this age, I would have been married—probably with three children.
Somehow my life took a different route on me…
I left the Philippines at age 24, lived in China for eight years, stayed in the US for a year, and I’m currently living in Brazil for three years now.
I have had rollercoaster relationships with guys and men-- had been a hopeless romantic in my teenage years, had been a desperate girl in my early twenties, and had been wild and immature in my late twenties. Oh, if you only knew!
Thankfully, I became mature when I met Frenchie.
Our relationship was something I wished I had when I was younger. But then again, as I reflect on how I learned and value myself from all the heartbreaks I had, I wouldn’t wish it the other way.
Perhaps settling down at this age--- 30ish, is not ideal for most girls. After all, I can safely say that most of us grew up in a culture that as a woman, we are expected to get married and bring out more children into the world. And we can only perform such duties while our ovulation is at its peak in our twenties! We are the savior of humanity, so to speak.
I did a lot of thinking, is that what I really want?
Well, my answer is—knowing what I know now, I confidently say, NO.
I’m not one to judge women, who choose a route of singlehood or getting married later in their lives. And trust me, we had a lot of them in my family tree. I know exactly what judge-ful eyes look like or what a snide comment sound like because they live the kind of life they have.
Before I make everyone confuse of any of my statements, what I’m really trying to say here is that, if you’re a single woman—embrace it! Don't be sad about it.
I am now in my last few months of single-hood and I can honestly say that I will surely miss this life, not just because I like living on my own, but it’s more about the liberating feeling to be your own Y-O-U.
What does embracing your single-ness means? 😉
Get to know you.
There’s no more important journey in life than getting to know one’s self. To be able to know your strengths and weaknesses will make you better as a person. It will deepen and strengthen all kinds of your relationship because you know what you can bring to the table and what you can’t accept. Know what you really like and what makes you really happy. Even the small details of your interests will matter, if you recognized them, that you are that person because they are the pieces that make you whole. In my case, I know that Frenchie and I wouldn’t have survived this long, if I didn’t know what I want and I don’t want.
Spend time doing your passion.
It may be the job your doing now or something that really makes you happy. I am a firm believer that a woman should have her own backbone, no matter what. To have your own job and to have your own time to do the things you do, are both very important for your self-growth and confidence. I understand that once you’re in a relationship, you wanted to spend all the time you have with your partner. It’s both good and bad at the same time, but I honestly can say, that it’s mostly bad. Why? Because your relationship will never grow in a healthy and loving way. For the most part, men love the surprise and the mystery that we can offer them. So find the time to do your passion, to be good at it, and to be able to give yourself the confidence that when some things are not going right, you have one thing that easily makes you feel better.
Be financially independent.
I couldn’t stress this enough, but it’s really important that you work for your own money. That you can at least afford to buy your own underwear or lipstick without asking a man to do that for you. A gift is hugely different from asking him for it. Perhaps this can be a very sensitive to many, especially in a culture where men are expected to be the provider. I get that. I understand that. But what I’m trying to say is, you have at least the money that when you want something so bad, you are capable of providing that for yourself, without waiting for his budget approval. I hope that makes sense. And I hope that I didn’t offend anyone on this one.
Use your single time to pamper yourself.
What most of my married friends complain about, is not having enough time for their selves. And I asked them, so if you do have a free time, what do you wish to do with it? They wished they have time to just be on their own to do things they used to do when they were single. May it be eating their favorite dessert without sharing it to her child or husband. May it be watching a movie without distractions or a crying baby. May it be a day trip with their girlfriends. May it be a sunbathing under the summer sun without worries. May it be a two-hour massage without feeling guilty that she spent time that long. May it be a half-day nap on a Sunday afternoon. May it be spending lazy time of choosing new pair of shoes. May it be going for a new haircut. Or shopping for new clothes and make-up! It is part of our woman’s DNA to give ourselves these kind of “luxury” without feeling guilty about it. And being only single gives you this option. So that’s why I said, embrace every moment of it.
Use your free time in learning something new.
Being single is the best time to learn something or do something new. If you want to take your master’s degree. Or enroll in a second course, do it! If you want to learn a new language or musical instrument or driving or swimming, do it while you’re single and while you all have the free time in the world. Enhance your skills in cooking, gardening, designing, or organizing. Or if you’re a bold dreamer-- write, create, develop, or start up something!
Lastly, have a good quality time or communication with the people mattered most to you.
I know that to be married or to be in a marriage will definitely be a different ball game. I am excited and scared at the same time, for many reasons. But what I'm really grateful for during my single life is that, I have given myself-- the chance to spend quality time with my family, my loved ones, and friends whenever I can. And I really did. It was really a conscious effort. I am very lucky to have found a very understanding and loving partner who gives me space and time when I need to be with "my own people". Frenchie knows that I enjoy having quality time with my family and friends because I learn so much from all the talks and conversations that I had with them. Which, I share with him in return and we both learn from them together. We allow each other to grow individually and as couple, by giving time to spend it with inspiring people around us. And I believe that has kept us stronger and will definitely make us stronger as we will start our new journey as a married couple.
I will definitely miss my single life, but I am certainly looking forward to married life! It's been some kind of mental preparation so far. I didn't realize that just doing the preparations and paper works would be so stressful! This is somewhat the reason for this blog-- to divert myself from the things that I have no control of. Haha.